


Pink Diamond’s Humongous Booty (Ship)

by CaptainJZH



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Amethyst loves it, And it had an ass, Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Butts, Gen, Pink Leg Ship, Post-Episode: s05e23-24 Reunited, Rose was very silly okay, She totally had a leg ship, So does Steven, Yellow hates it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 02:09:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15281265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainJZH/pseuds/CaptainJZH
Summary: Pink Diamond, aka Rose Quartz, had a very...unique sense of humor for a Diamond. Nothing exemplified that more than her personal ship, which was shaped like a pair of legs and had a big, er, behind. It annoyed her fellow Diamonds, and amused her to no end.And now it belongs to Steven.





	Pink Diamond’s Humongous Booty (Ship)

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to SilverScribe, citrusella, realfakedoors, e350tb and DirectorHachi for beta-reading/giving feedback!

“My Diamond, are you sure about this design?”

 

Pink couldn’t help but snicker. She knew exactly what she was doing.

 

“Oh, oh of course Pearl,” she replied, stifling her giggle, “It’ll fit perfectly with White’s ship, after all. Just...just make sure it’s the right size!” Pink burst into laughter at her own joke, which swiftly went over Pearl’s head.

 

“I’ll have the approved design sent to the Peridot Corps of Engineers at once, My Diamond.”

 

“Yes, yes, that’s… that’s good!” Pink managed to get out as she continued to wheeze at the sight of her “approved design” on the screen, “I wish I could see the look on their faces! Ha! Oh,  _ wait until Blue and Yellow see it! _ ” Pink continued to tear up in hysterical laughter as Pearl left the room with the designs.

 

Pearl almost felt like shaking her head. This must be something only a Diamond could understand the humorous aspect of, and not a lowly Pearl like herself, she figured.

 

_ Oh well _ , Pearl thought. 

 

Someone would have to explain to her someday what was so funny about her Diamond’s personal ship resembling a pair of bright pink legs and an anatomically-correct buttocks.

 

OVER SIX THOUSAND YEARS LATER…

 

“Wait, her ship was  _ what _ ?”

 

Pearl was in the middle of informing Steven about the nature of his mother’s ship– previously thought lost forever until Steven said that he apparently knew where it was –and Amethyst just had to interject.

 

“It was a pair of elegant, pink legs-” Pearl tried to continue before Amethyst burst into laughter again.

 

“Yeah, connected at the  _ butt _ !”

 

Steven started to laugh himself.

 

“Steven! This is  _ not _ funny! It’s your heritage!”

 

“...Yeah, it kinda is, Pearl,” Steven said once his laughter subsided.

 

“Have to agree with Diamond Junior there,” Amethyst said, hopping down from Steven’s bed, “Speaking of which, how are Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum out there?”

 

“They’re still trying to see how much of their ships are salvageable. I offered to help, but  _ nooooo _ ,  _ I’m just a Pearl, I don’t know anything about gravity engine design _ .”

 

“Do you?” Amethyst asked.

 

“ _ No, _ they were designed after my time, but that is not the point!”

 

\---

 

“You might be able get the engine out if you disconnect it at the base!” Bismuth called up to Yellow, who was trying to reach into her ship.

 

“I didn’t ask you!” Yellow shouted back.

 

Bismuth turned to Garnet– they were both on guard duty looking after Steven’s newly-minted “aunts” –and gave a “can you believe this?” look.

 

“How’s Blue doing?” Bismuth asked the fusion.

 

“Not very well.”

 

She gestured over to Blue Diamond, waist deep in the water, struggling to get into her ship.

 

“Where’s a Lapis Lazuli when I need one?” she muttered, “Oh wait, maybe if  _ somebody  _ didn’t dissipate her form!”

 

“Oh shut up!” Yellow hollered back, “At least  _ my  _ powers actually  _ worked _ on her!”

 

“That is not a fair comparison!” Blue said before slipping and falling back into the water.

 

“Blue and Yellow?” Steven called out from the still-half-destroyed Beach House. The two Diamonds stepped back onto the beach and approached the front porch.

 

“I’d hate to, uh,  _ butt in _ , but I think I have the solution to your problem.”

 

OVER SIX THOUSAND YEARS AGO…

 

Blue and Yellow stood dumbfounded in front of Pink’s newly constructed ship, which resembled a lower torso and pair of legs.

 

“So, what’d you think?” Pink asked with her usual brand of mischievous excitement.

 

“Wha...why...it’s…” was all Blue could muster.

 

Yellow was going to say something, but she just turned around and left, disgusted.

 

Blue just walked backwards into the wall, horrified at the sheer size and gempower that went into the monstrosity of engineering sitting before her in the hangar bay.

 

Once the two older Diamonds had left, Pearl turned to Pink with an oblivious smile.

 

“I think they liked it!”

 

That made Pink’s laughing fit start all over again.

 

PRESENT DAY...

 

“Of course she wouldn’t destroy it,” Yellow cursed under the hot desert sun, “She was too proud of the embarrassment she created.”

 

They were, once again, standing in the midsts of Pink’s Leg Ship, all-but-buried in the sand.

 

“Does it still work?” Blue asked, her hood shielding her from the blazing heat.

 

“It should,” Pearl chimed in, “While I imagine the engine is outdated compared to today’s Homeworld technology, it should still be able to manage atmospheric flight. From there, I estimate we should be able to cannibalize parts from your ships to make it FTL-worthy.”

 

“...what she said,” Yellow muttered.

 

“If Steven truly has Pink’s abilities,” Blue began, “Then he should be able to will it out of the sand with the movement of his hand.”

 

“Wait, really?” Steven asked.

 

Pearl raised her finger, giving a somewhat embarrassed smile.

 

“Uh,” Pearl started, “Did either of you actually ever see Pink Diamond summon her ship?”

 

“Well no,” Yellow said, crossing her arms, “But how different can it be from how we do it?”

 

OVER SIX THOUSAND YEARS AGO…

 

“Guess how I summon my ship, Pearl,” Pink excitedly said outside of the hangar bay on Homeworld.

 

“I give up. How do you summon it, My Diamond?” Pearl asked obediently.

 

“ _ LIKE THIS! _ ” Pink shouted, kicking her left foot into the air.

 

Mimicking her movements, the Leg Ship’s left foot shot into the air, smashing through the ceiling of the hangar.

 

“Now,  _ right foot! _ ” Pink shouted as she did the same with her other leg, smashing the corresponding part through the ceiling.

 

“And  **pelvic thrust** !” 

 

The rear section of her ship shot through the remains of the hangar, into the sky, revealing Pink’s ship to all of Homeworld.

 

“I think I’m going to like this ship,” Pink said to herself.

 

PRESENT DAY…

 

“You put your left foot in!”

 

A pink leg shot out of the sand as Steven willed it to life with his foot.

 

“You take your right foot out!”

 

Pink’s ship started lifting itself up out of the earth.

 

“You put your right foot in and you shake it all about!”

 

Steven kicked his right foot into the air and shook it around, freeing the ship further (and destroying his mother’s “garbage dump,” but that didn’t really matter to him anymore).

 

“You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself around…”

 

Steven jumped into the air, causing the ship to lift off into the sky, hovering over the Gems below.

 

Steven floated down and put his hands on his hips, smiling.

 

“And that’s what it’s all about!”

 

Pearl felt herself tearing up at the sight of it, reminding her of old times.

 

“I still hate it,” Yellow said.

 

\---

 

Life in Beach City was returning back to normal after the  _ incident _ at Garnet’s wedding. They just had to pay no mind to the huge spaceships crashed at the end of the peninsula.

 

“Hey, Mr. Dewey,” Peedee greeted from within his food truck, “What can I get for ya?”

 

“Oh the usual. Also can I get some...some…”

 

“Mr. Dewey?” Peedee asked as he noticed the former mayor looking ominously into the distance. 

 

A large, pinkish shadow suddenly befell Beach City.

 

“Oh my god…” Mr. Fryman began.

 

“It’s a…” Sadie started to say.

 

“Giant...” Nanefua trailed off.

 

\---

 

_ “Asshole!”  _ a character in Amethyst’s video game shouted as she rammed her car into another car.

 

“Yeah, same to you, buddy.”

 

“Hey, Deep Cut!” Bismuth called up from what remained of the living room, “Looks like Peridot’s finally reforming!”

 

“Ooh thanks!” Amethyst said as she paused the game and hopped down from Steven’s room.

 

Out on the porch, Peridot’s gem glowed and rose into the air, though Lapis’ was still dormant.

 

Peridot reformed with her outfit largely the same as it was before, except for one small difference: She had a yellow star, now, in the place of the Yellow Diamond crests that had adorned it for far too long, on both her chest and her knees.

 

“Hey, Peri!” Amethyst said as she wrapped her friend in a hug, “Love the new outfit.”

 

“Wow, thanks,” Peridot began, “But the battle! What happened?!”

 

“Well… That’s a long story… They stopped fighting us, though.”

 

Amethyst was interrupted by a large shadow covering the two of them. They both looked up, seeing a pair of bright pink legs fly over the cliffside. While Amethyst burst into laughter, Peridot seemed more amazed by the sight.

 

“Oh my stars,” Peridot said, “I can’t believe it…The older Peridots used to tell stories about it…”

 

“About what?” Amethyst asked between laughs, “Pink’s big booty?”

 

“Pink Diamond’s Leg Ship!” Peridot exclaimed as she ran down the stairs, “It was the most overpowered, overdesigned, most  _ ridiculously gaudy _ ship in Era 1 history!  _ And it looks like it’s in perfect condition… _ ”

 

Bismuth and Garnet were dumbfounded as they watched the magnificent ship set down on the beach, its rear doors opening up for Steven, Pearl, and the two Diamonds to step out.

 

“And it flies just like it did way back when!” Pearl was saying, “Of course, I’m a little rusty, but… Oh there you are, Peridot! We need to retrofit Pink’s old ship with one of the Arm Ship’s Gravity Engines.”

 

“I’m on it!” Peridot giddly shouted as she ran inside the ship to inspect it, “ _ It’s even pinker than they said it was! _ ”

 

“So…” Bismuth began, “I take it the design was Rose’s idea?”

 

“...Yeah,” Pearl answered with a little chuckle.

 

Garnet adjusted her glasses.

 

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

 

“So Steven,” Amethyst asked him as he stepped off the ship, “How does it feel to have the biggest flying  _ butt _ this side of the cosmos?”

 

“First, it’s not just a butt, it’s a pair of legs too, and second...yeah it’s pretty cool.”

 

\---

 

During the commotion, Lapis’ physical form had returned, though at first she went unnoticed by the others. She got one look at the Leg Ship, shook her head, and promptly walked right back into the house.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna be so mad if it turns out to be just a hand ship, you guys XD


End file.
